I had a dream… (Surgery Part 1)
Saturday December 7. Two days before surgery. Dinner party with friends from church. My boyfriend and all of our kids and our friends kids are in the basement with a sitter and heated garage playing while the adults all hang out upstairs. After we’re through with dinner, the men disperse between the TV in the living room, the kitchen with the ladies, or the basement and garage to check on the kids, while all of the ladies hang out chit chatting between checking on the kids too.
Before I go on, let me say this – I’m a Christian. I have had my battles with the devil all my life, and he has won many of those. However, the path I choose to live today is God’s path. We’re like this. (Picture me crossing my fingers!) I have a relationship with God and choose to go to Him. I have Him in my heart, but not in my mind as I’d like to. I don’t know scripture as some Christians do. I’m a work in progress and I choose to go to Him for that progress and He will help me gain that knowledge.
Now where were we…?
After dinner, the ladies are sitting around the kitchen enjoying the chit chat – talking about our amazing church, Pastor, the services, and our God. Knowing I have God in my heart but not my mind, I sat back and listened when some scripture was brought up and being discussed. A few of the women were talking about their favorite books of the Bible. “Romans…definitely Romans”, one said. “No, no, no…not me! But it could be where I am in my life right now. My favorite is Ephesians.” I continued to listen hoping something sunk in…I don’t remember what was said about any of those books that night, if I was totally honest.
Things wrap up and we head home for the night. The kids were tired, our stomachs full, and all of us had a good time. The fellowship I experienced was welcoming and needed as I prepared for another surgery and what could be a bumpy road ahead with Ryan. After getting the kids settled, I thought about really wanting to grasp God and His word. Really wanting to know scripture and yet still prepare for what I needed for the time in my life with Ryan and his surgery. I did what I do – and prayed.
I thanked Him for what I’ve been asking of Him – real friends who can relate to me and my experiences. I thanked Him for a man in my life that loves me for me and cares for my children as I do his. I thanked Him for watching over us as we traveled and for keeping us safe and healthy. I prayed for the days and weeks to come, for God to give me a big neon sign in front of me. For Him to tell me what I needed for the time coming…for as long as I needed it – one week in the hospital? Four weeks? It didn’t matter – I needed something of His – but I needed to be able to see it and remember it and really grasp it. I prayed for my kids and protection over all who occupy and visit my house. I thanked Him for all He has brought forth in my life. Exhausted, I fell asleep immediately.
By morning, I woke up startled – reaching for my phone, opening my Bible app, and searching for answers. My bf questioned what I was doing, and I was on a mission not able to answer him much. The last dream I remember – in fact the only dream I remember having that night – was Armor. From head to toe, Armor. I saw a helmet, breastplate, belt, boots, a shield, and sword. No eyes. No skin color. Just Armor. In the distance, behind the knight in Armor’s helmet – I saw Ephesians and 13. Anything in between Ephesians and 13 was blocked by the helmet.
I looked for Ephesians 13.
Ephesians only goes to 6. Hmmm… ok
I looked up Ephesians 1:13.
“And you also were included in Christ when you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation. When you believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit,”
I didn’t get it…? Let’s move on.
“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought nearby the blood of Christ.”
How did this relate to me for what I needed in the days and weeks to come? Dunno…next!
“I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory.”
Hmmm…I’m getting confused.
Feeling frustrated, I get up and we all get ready for church. Once there, I drop Ryan in the room he plays with an amazing couple who just loves him to pieces – and he really enjoys seeing every week. Getting coffee, I see a dear friend of mine who was at the dinner party. We hug and she asks how I’m doing. Trying not to break down as surgery is tomorrow at this point, I tell her, “I had a dream of armor.” All she says is, “Awesome!!” I’m still confused so I let it go. The answers will come to me in His time, right?! Her mom hugs me and asks how I’m doing. I start feeling the emotion of whats to come the next day and I melt. My eyes start to fill with tears and I’m about to lose it. My boyfriend and the rest of the kids go sit down while I chat a bit before going in to sit.
I stay strong as another friend from the dinner party asks how I’m doing and hugs me and I just can’t be strong anymore. These are people who truly care and want to know how I really am. I break. I tell them I’ve been strong for so long, I have to just let it out. Just let it go and give it to Him. As I’m talking, a pastor is now in our circle and asks what will be going on with Ryan. He asks to pray and I willingly accept. He prays for Ryan’s surgery, all who will be included in the surgery, for me, Britney, and all who support me. At this point, I’m trying not to sob, but a completeness fills me and my tears start to lessen. My nose keeps running, but my tears and the worrisome feeling goes away. God’s got this, I say to myself. He will be working through the surgeons, doctors, and nurses caring for him in the days and weeks ahead.
I hug and thank everyone in the circle. As I get to my friends mom, she reaches into her pocket. She says, “I think you need this more than I do right now.” and hands me a cross that says “You are not alone.” down the middle. I hug her again and head in to worship.
The rest of the day, I chose to gear most if not all of my attention on Ryan and Britney and their interactions with each other. I kissed them a little longer, hugged them a lot tighter, laughed bigger, and played longer. Ryan took a bath and we notice he liked being startled. We jumped out from doors and corners of the room and he laughed and laughed while clapping his hands. We took more pictures and videos than we normally do and just lived in that time together. By the end of the night, I breakdown once or twice more but am reminded…God’s got it!
That evening, that dear friend I hugged at church and told about my dream posted a prayer request on Facebook tagging me. She posted a song I needed to hear in that moment and posted about the Armor in Ephesians.
Ephesians 10-18 (Please note verse 13!)
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
For the longest time, I’ve been praying for God to heal Ryan. I prayed every night for answers of healing and health for my kids. For protection and safety. There were times I doubted and wondered when He was going to give me the answers…it’s His time. Not mine! And now that I had my Armor – what God knows that I need to get through the days and weeks to come, I was ready!
This is a work in progress. Please be patient as I reach through notes and reminders of the time in the hospital a month and a half ago.
Part 1 is written. Done. And above.
Part 2 is coming. 🙂 Promise.